Feeling Flushed

During a visit to my parents' house in Boynton Beach over the weekend, I announced that I was "going to the reading room" which was a less-than-subtle code phrase for saying I was going to the bathroom. It was so obvious, that my father handed me a section of the newspaper and gave me his best wishes.

A few minutes later, as I was enjoying my solitude, my mother stood on the other side of the door and said, "Knock knock!" Knowing that my mother is one to think that a closed door is an invitation, every muscle in my body tightened and I said, "Don't come in!" At which time the door opened and she handed me a Golf Digest magazine.

The picture above is me at the age of 5. It's nice to have this shot because it captures the last moment I ever really needed bathroom help from anybody. My wife and I have an open relationship, but not an open door relationship, so I didn't think to lock the bathroom door at my folks house. Score that an error.

Whenever I've acted a bit modest around my mother she has always attempted to put me at ease by saying "I saw you before you saw you." That may be true, but that's like barging into a house that you sold 30 years ago and telling the new owners that it's okay because it was your house before it was theirs.

My mother is very generous, so I know she was just trying to be helpful. The funny thing is, I eventually did need that extra reading material because she scared the you-know-what out of me!